Children of Men

What a movie… I literally cried. The moment when the gun fire stop and stared just amazed me. I have to say that I really enjoyed that movie, but then again there is rarely a movie that I don’t enjoy. Last week, I went to Jarid’s and watched a movie. Jarid is in marching band with me. Anyways, they called it movie night. LOL. Movie night. I love that. Maybe I can get some friends after all. Jarid’s room mates are also in band. It’s funny that all us band people hang out together.

I just wish that I could see more of Gregory, but that’s just a horrible story that is after all a horrible secret. I hate secrets. Secrets do not make friends. They make best friends and in this case they make a quick connection that broke even quicker. It’s too bad that happen. I really enjoyed talking to him. Oh, well. What is there I could do? I’m too shy, too loud, too random, too young. It always goes back to age.

Age is one factor that shapes our society. Everything is controlled by age. Think about it. Everyone is told when they can do something. Is there any freedom is not choosing what you want to do? People are like sheep. They follow. Every action that a people see they choose to repicate or reject. I guess I’m just feeling a little pessimistic… http://www.allfreeessays.net/student/people_are_sheep.html

About life: Let us just start from yesterday. I’m sure you will catch on quickly to the tiny drama that is sometimes refered to as a life. Today was just fine. Only fine. I hate my job at the school I teach at officially today. I taught them work and what do they do… they forget it. So know I have to reteach them work tomorrow. Did I meantion that they have a festival coming right around the corner. Wow. We are sure to get a III… maybe even a VI… That’s super depressing. I have a losing guard, a guard that doesn’t apply themselves to their work. They do not want to work. Their only goal is just to be there. Being there, present, is enough. One girl doesn’t even want that. She is only there because her mother is making her be there… I hate it. I honestly do. I can’t believe that my honored name is attached to them. Their lack of hard work reflects upon me with a brilliant glow that blinds me. For some reason, I still want to be there. I want them to be the best that they can be. I only wish they wanted the same… I can only wish…

Colorguard. It is what it is.

School. It is only what I make it. Lately all I’ve been doing is studying, lots and lots of studying. I’m almost a loser. At least I can say that I’m doing okay in school. Friends, however, are doing a little below average. I’ve actually lost a best friend, a friend that I had lost because of a boy is offically gone now. I would say that we are still friends, but we are not as close. I miss having some one to hold close to me and whisper little secrets into their ear. I think that I’m just getting increasingly lonely due to my seperation with my boyfriend of one year and six months. I miss that comfort, and I know that I want that comfort again, but I do not want my boyfriend back again. I like to be single. I have no worries. I’m free. I can do as a please, and somehow I now have free time! FREE TIME! Yes, it has been so long. I love it. I love being able to do what I want when I want and not worrying about what I need to let him know and if I should invite him or all that bull crap that goes along with having a boyfriend.

Did I meantion that I already had a rebound… I was a horrible disgrace to my character. I regret every moment that I had with that boy. The only thing that I don’t regret is the friendship that I made that is now a broken puzzle of fuzzy love. I still like the boy. I know that he does not feel the same. I don’t know why I led my self on. I guess I just wanted to be wanted. He had been out of the game for a while. I guess that he just wanted the same. We are years apart. I believe that I’m way to young for him, mentally and physically. I do love that boy though. He’s fabulous. He’s a star. I hope that one day he give me one more chance to “win him over.” I doubt it though. The boy barely talks to me now. I feel kinda used actually. My emotions all confused with that heart broken feeling. I think in a few more weeks I will look back a laugh at how still I am. I truely do believe.

Life is so crazy. I wish that I could grasp even a part of the crazyness, but I never do. It always walks past me and flauts its luxury. It’s a love / hate relationship. Friendship is the same. I want to create a new friendship. That’s my goal. To create a new best friend. I hope that they will listen to me. I want to be able to call them in the middle of the night and tell them about my horrible dreams. I want to be able to hug them and push them. I want them to be able to tell me anything and everything. I want to have those little inside jokes that friends have… Damn, I must be lonely…

~ by fllnstr18 on October 16, 2007.